That’s how the conversation started. Makayla paused, took a deep breath, and continued:
I guess I should go back to 2021, to when our first, our daughter, was born. I had a super traumatic birth with her; she was stuck pretty good and ended up needing the vacuum.
And I was so scared to go through that again.
When I was pregnant with my son in 2023, I had made the decision (after talking to counselors and other women in my life) to look into getting a C-section. And I had talked to my OB at the time about that and about some of the research I had done—for example, stitching up each of the layers for better healing—and he said, ‘I don't really like to do that.’
I honestly didn’t know what to do at that point, but my counselor sure did.
‘You should look into finding somebody who is going to listen to you and your concerns.’
So, I found Dr. Brubaker.
Mind you, I was at 32 weeks when I first saw her. Dr. Brubaker had scheduled an hour-long appointment with me. I was a little worried about switching providers so late, but she just totally took me in. I didn't feel judged by her, and we just fit super well.
And it was the first time I felt heard.
***************************************
I had the C-section with Dr. Brubaker, and the experience with my son was so amazing, so redemptive. It honestly saved me in a lot of ways, and it gave me the confidence that I could do it again.
I got pregnant in 2024 and miscarried.
I had two ultrasounds. That first ultrasound showed the baby wasn't measuring what they should have been, and then the second, to see if growth happened, confirmed the miscarriage. That was such a shocking moment for me. I wasn't expecting to be told that I was miscarrying; my husband wasn't even at that appointment with me, because I just wasn't expecting bad news. I actually brought a friend with me to that appointment, which basically trauma bonded us.
Dr. Brubaker sat with us and explained all of my options and what I should expect moving forward. She listened to me, let me cry, and was there for me. That meant so much.
A couple weeks after the diagnosis, my body still hadn't completed the whole process of miscarriage, so I went in for an appointment and subsequently scheduled a D&C. We found out later that we lost a baby boy due to a genetic condition. We sent in the tissue to get cremated, and so now I have his ashes, and I'm so grateful we were able to do that.
***************************************
In late December of 2024 I found out that I was pregnant with our rainbow baby.
I went in for my blood work, and it was extremely high, and I remember getting a call from the nurse that they wanted to see me again for more blood work. I went in for an ultrasound, and we saw the baby, and the heart rate was super slow. Something just felt off about it. I had that appointment in Appleton, and then I drove to Neenah for a follow up, and Dr. Brubaker told me that this might be a partial molar pregnancy (a non-viable pregnancy where an egg is fertilized by two sperm, resulting in an embryo with 69 chromosomes instead of 46) and prepare myself. There would be a follow up in two weeks’ time.
I just knew in my gut that we were going to lose another baby.
The follow up confirmed the miscarriage, we got another D&C, and the testing told us we had a baby girl. So I lost a boy and a girl. That's hard when you already have kids, and you look at them and you're like, I can't imagine not meeting you. I think that just makes the reality of loss harder. There was a lot of heaviness to that whole experience.
Because of the molar pregnancy, follow ups were super crucial. I went in every week for blood tests to follow my HCG (Human Chorionic Gonadotropin, often called the pregnancy hormone) all the way down to zero, and once it was at zero, Dr Brubaker told me, I had to wait a full month until our next testing. We needed to see it remain at zero before it was safe to get pregnant again (by this time I was on birth control).
I remember waiting, and then all of a sudden I just had a feeling something was off, and I called, got a blood test, and my numbers were rising. And I just lost it. After my second miscarriage, I wasn’t ready to even think about having another baby until after my rainbow baby's due date, at least. I just couldn’t put myself in that situation again. I didn't know if I'd ever be ready to again.
***************************************
With my HCG rising, I found out that I was pregnant again.
I remember being in the office with Dr. Brubaker. I cried to her, and I spilled my guts about all my fears and how I was not ready to be back in this situation again. My mental health just tanked, and she sat there with me and gave me tissues and just listened to me cry. Again, I felt heard. And I felt seen.
I made it to my anatomy scan at 20 weeks, and my baby was diagnosed with hydronephrosis (swelling of the kidney due to urine backup). That led to me getting ultrasounds every other week, leading all the way up to delivery. So, yeah, so I was in the office a lot during pregnancy.
It was hard, because going through everything I had and then finding out that something was wrong with this baby as well made me feel like I just wanted to shut down. I didn't want to listen to reality. I mean, I was grateful each time I went in for an ultrasound, that there was a heartbeat and my baby was alive, but I felt like I wasn't able to fully connect to the pregnancy because I was still actively grieving my losses.
But one of the perks to going every other week was seeing my healthcare team. Dr. Brubaker and Brittany* and Diane* would always tell me if I ever felt like it to just come in and make sure everything was okay. I’ll admit that there were a couple of weeks when I went in multiple times just to be sure. They were just so great and took really good care of me and my kids (when they needed to come in with me), and that meant so much.
So my C-section was scheduled for January 12. I was a really good candidate for a VBAC if I wanted one. I ultimately made the decision to do the repeat C-section. In the weeks leading up to the C-section, despite the reassurances, I started getting even more anxiety than I had the whole pregnancy. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong, and I didn't think it had anything to do with the kidneys. My stomach was tender to the touch, my hands and feet were super itchy, and so Dr. Brubaker said we needed to run tests for possible cholestasis (itchiness for me but potentially much worse for the baby).
Then, at my 38-week appointment, there was decreased fetal movement.
I remember getting into the room and telling Dr. Brubaker I still felt like something was off, that baby wasn’t really moving as much. She said, ‘We’re either going to do the C-section tonight or tomorrow morning.’ I was thinking the next morning sounded good so I could sleep in my own bed one more night. And she was like, ‘Either way, we're keeping you here.’
At that point I was like, ‘Let’s just do it.”
And we did it that night, and I am so glad that she listened to her gut to move things along, because during the C-section, she said that I had a “uterine window,” which is where my uterus was so thin in one spot that it could have ruptured if I went into labor on my own. I could have lost our baby and it could have been deadly for me as well.
And I’m glad I decided to go with my gut and do the C-section.
***************************************
Our baby is doing so good! His kidney issue was considered severe when he was born, and now he’s a mild case, no antibiotics or stent placement needed. We don’t have to do follow ups for another few months, which is a relief. My daughter is crazy obsessed with the baby, and my son, who just turned two, is petting him.
And Dad is just wonderful.
Throughout the experience there were so many emotions, as there are now. I’m still grieving. And dealing with the reality of how close I was to losing another baby. I’m also riding the high of finally not being pregnant anymore!
Like I said in the beginning, I never, ever expected to develop such deep relationships with my care team, but I did, and I'm just so grateful for it. And so glad we did it when we did, and that just makes me even more grateful for Dr. Brubaker, her timing and her instincts. If she didn't make that call, who knows what would have happened to both of us.
And I believe in God. I'm spiritual, and I believe that the timing of everything was definitely God ordained.
I have the dream to work with women someday, especially women who have gone through miscarriage. When you start the conversation, then other people feel like they can talk about their grief too, and remember their babies and validate that there was a life there that was very wanted and loved.
I started some classes for nursing school and would love to do this as a living one day, but it’s hard when you’re a stay at home with little kids.
But some day . . .
From the Editor: The catalyst for the above testimonial was Makayla’s submission to our Facebook Contest on January 8. Her son was delivered on January 5. She made special mention of MA Brittany Gilbert and RN Diane Tyynismaa in her post. In our conversation, Makayla shared some thoughts on the impact these two special people have had on her:
- Brittany told me, “Whenever I see your name on a chart, I always grab it. Everybody knows you’re mine!” She’d take my vitals and would ask me how I was doing, like really doing. She wanted to know. She listened. She let me cry to her. She opened up to me about going through her own experiences. And she didn’t judge. I was able to reach out to her and invite her to come meet my baby. So grateful for her.
- During a really hard time, I remember Diane called me frequently to talk about the results of my blood draws and to check in and see how I was doing. And that meant so much more than she may ever know. She did such a good job taking care of me and honestly making me feel cared about. She didn’t have to call me. Could have just messaged me in MyChart. But she became that person I wanted to call me, needed to call me.
- By the way, I HATE needles. And there have been so many needles throughout my experiences here. Whenever Brittany took my blood, she would always get it right on the first try. I was like, “Yeah, I trust you even more now.”
- Diane always told me to come in for reassurance checks. “Let’s hook you up to the monitors and make sure everything is good.” So grateful for that.
This is Brittany. She has been such a light in my life ever since our first miscarriage in 2024. Her genuine care is appreciated beyond what words can express. [with Louis, born 1/5/26]
