Jen posted those words for our Mother’s Day contest.
Here’s the story behind the sentence.
The Hardest Thing
The first thing you should probably know about me is that I am the most type A personality you could probably ever meet. I'm a 2nd grade teacher, so I just plan everything to the T. When we thought about what would be a great time to have kids, we thought if I could have a baby in April or May, that would be perfect, because then I would have two months of maternity leave and get the summer with our baby.
When we decided we wanted to bring a baby into the world, we got pregnant right away, and he was due April 2. Perfect timing, right? This is all going according to plan! But becoming a parent has taught me I can still be type A, and have a plan, but it is so okay to just go with the flow.
My baby is now my whole world, and he kind of directs the timing of everything, and that's a beautiful thing. So I think the hardest thing about becoming a mom was really just learning to give up my routine and the normalcy of the life that I had grown so accustomed to.
When I hit those first two weeks of being postpartum, where you go through the most intense hormonal changes of your life, and all the emotions that go with that, well, that was really hard. Trying to take care of my baby with the help of my husband while going through that taught me so much about really being selfless and giving up parts of me to take care of my baby.
And I wouldn't have it any other way.
It’s Not Just the Eggs Benedict
Luckily, my husband is so supportive.
I literally could not have done it without him. Through
pregnancy, through labor and delivery, I mean
I didn't have a doula at the hospital, but he filled that position. I'm not kidding. I could not have done it without him. And that continued through postpartum, even now when he's back at work, back at his normal routine. He’s so attentive.
It’s all the little things. He made sure that I always had a snack and water when I sat down to feed Luke. He always made sure that the kitchen was cleaned up before I went to bed (because of my type A personality). He was just amazing. And he supported me, and continues to support me through this journey of motherhood.
So even on the hard days where I'm home and maybe Luke's been fussier than normal, and my husband knows that because I've been texting him, he comes home and he's like, “Let me take him. You go take a shower. I got this.”
One more small moment: During pregnancy I craved Eggs Benedict but stayed away from it. Two days after we had brought Luke home, my husband came in and gently woke me up. He made me homemade Eggs Benedict and a homemade latte. And he's an amazing cook!
Content or Fussy?
It didn't take very long for me to figure out Luke’s cues of when he's hungry, when he's tired, when he’s overtired. And he is a great sleeper. Like on Mother's Day weekend, it was the first time he slept five hours straight. So I slept five hours straight! It was incredible.
He doesn't have a routine yet, because he's just seven weeks old, but I can be pretty certain that he'll take shorter naps in the morning, and then he'll take his one and a half to two and a half hour naps in the afternoon.
So he's been awesome from the beginning, and he’s even self-soothing. We put him in his bassinette at night and he just rocks, and he falls asleep by himself. He's amazing. He is such a content baby.
I remember taking him to his one-month pediatrician appointment, and they ask you if your baby is content or fussy, and I said, “Listen, he's content 90% of the time, and when he's fussing, I pretty much know what he needs to not be fussy.
And the pediatrician's like, “Well, just wait till six weeks, because that's usually when they become not so content.”
He's still content.
A Swift Decision
My husband is an intense researcher. After we found out we were pregnant, immediately he was like, “We gotta find the best!”
So we did a deep dive about hospitals and providers in the area (we live in New London). We ended up choosing ThedaCare-Neenah. I knew I wanted a natural birth, but I wanted to do it in the hospital setting in case anything went wrong.
And when we looked at all the providers, we watched Dr. Swift's videos, read the testimonials on her page, and she just seemed like a perfect fit.
Like I remember in her video, she talks about being the pilot. She wants women to feel empowered, to have the birth they want, but also to trust that if things take a turn, that she's the pilot and she’s going to direct things to make sure everything goes smoothly. And that just resonated with me, even before I got her.
We called and made an appointment with her, and from the second we met her, I remember just feeling so at peace. I told her how I wanted to give birth. I wanted very minimal interventions and wanted things to go smoothly, but I also wanted a doctor who's going to support me yet be honest when things might need to take a turn.
And I remember Dr. Swift saying, “Girl, you can give birth on your head if you want to as long as it happens safely."
The Day You Become a Mom
The night before I went to the hospital I had my 39-week appointment because I thought my water broke at home, but I wasn't sure. And I thought, well, I'm seeing Dr. Swift in the morning; she'll tell me if that's the case. So I went in early the next morning, and she checked me and said, “Yeah, girl, you're water broke and you're already four centimeters. Call your husband, tell him to get his butt over here, and I'm sending you up to labor and delivery.”
And I just remember sitting there with this overwhelming amount emotion overcoming me and I was like, “Can I cry?”
And she said, “Girl, do whatever you need to do. Feel however you're going to feel. Now, let's go have a baby!”
My appointment was at 10:00am with her, and Luke wasn't born until 10:08pm, so her shift was well over. But there she was in our room, for three hours before he was born, sitting on the floor, walking around, sitting on the couch, encouraging me the whole time. She didn't have to sit in our room for three hours. She could have left. She has kids.
I remember looking at her one time, I think when I was about seven centimeters dilated, and I was like, “When is this gonna happen?”
She said, “It's going take time, and it's going get worse, and you can do it!” I was doing it all natural, so I appreciated her brutal honesty; she never sugar-coated things. But when I got to the stage of actively pushing, she was so encouraging.
I just knew I could count on her, not just to bring Luke into the world, but to help me bring him into the world.
And the Day You Have to Go Back to Work
I'm going to lay another whammy on you, because the planner in me is very stressed because I'm not going back to 2nd grade: I’m going to 3rd grade. I found out that news three weeks postpartum.
And I feel very honored to be selected. The principal knows I'll support the kids who are moving into that grade level well. I'll get to have some of my same kids back who had pushed me through my pregnancy, and that'll help. They met Luke last week. So that'll be really exciting.
It'll be a good learning experience, both to trust that someone else can take care of him and to go back to something I'm passionate about, balancing my two passions of being a mom and being a teacher.
But I think it will be the hardest thing I will ever do, leaving my baby with someone else.
It will probably be harder than giving birth.
What’s Up with the Dog?
Our dog has been our first baby. He's just turned four when we had Luke, so he's only known life as a single, with a young couple doting on him. When we brought Luke home, he was so excited, so happy to have this new baby. Wanted to just lick him and kiss him.
And then he went into a depressive state. For the first three weeks, he was like, “Oh my goodness, my parents don't love me anymore. They're just taking all their time on this new baby.” The picture I shared is when he was in the throes of that depression, but now he’s figured it out and fits in beautifully.
A Mother’s Wish
When I saw her at my six-week postpartum visit, I actually sent Dr. Swift a thank you in the mail with pictures of Luke and us, and I asked her if she got my thank you, and she said, “Yeah. And it made me cry, and I'm not kidding.” We sat there and we cried together, we hugged each other, and I just told her, “You feel like family. I know you have kids of your own. There's no reason you needed to stay there for me.”
And she said, “I know that it would have made all the difference for you if I wasn't there, and so I needed to be there for you.”
That's just her, you know. I don't feel like everyone gets that experience of genuinely feeling like their provider is family, and that's how she feels.
I wish every person could have the same experience.
One Final Thought
They say the second they put the baby on your chest, it's a
love like no other. And that’s just how it is.
